


There's A Reasom

by headless777



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Sleepy Bois Inc
Genre: Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Panic Attack, Sleepy Bois Inc Angst, Song fic, Suicidal Thoughts, Tommy feels bad, Your city gave me asthma, sbi, sleepy bois inc - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:53:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28608603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/headless777/pseuds/headless777
Summary: Tommy had never listened or  read anything about Wilbur’s old album ‘You City Gave Me Asthma’. He was saving it for a rainy day. Knowing Wilbur it would be something nice and cheery to listen to. Something to fix his mood.He didn't expect to end up in front of a train track conimplateing the meaning of every song.I'm bad at descriptions sorry! Also it's my first time writing not only Tommy, but angst. I'm sorry if he's ooc.
Comments: 23
Kudos: 259





	1. Jubilee Line

**Author's Note:**

> I was all over Genius looking at the meanings to each song and sorta tried to to work that in. If you like it make sure to ask for a part two!

Tommy had never listened or read anything about Wilbur’s old album ‘You City Gave Me Asthma’. He was saving it for a rainy day. Knowing Wilbur it would be something nice and cheery to listen to. Something to fix his mood.

His day had been pretty cloudy. He had gotten a bad grade on one of his big tests at school. Then when he came home to hop onto the SMP he had gotten too into his character. Staring at the lava. Waiting and wanting to end it all. He could feel his own insecurities well up inside him. He could feel himself slipping into a real depressive state. He decided half way through the stream he would listen to the album after. He needed to feel better. His day had been pretty cloudy, but when he finally listened to the album it stormed.

Not really caring he threw the playlist on shuffle and let it sort itself out.

_**Losing Face** _

It was more aggressive than he had been expecting. His headphones let the melody play out as it pleased, something there he couldn’t quite place. There was pain in Wilbur’s voice he hadn’t heard before. He sounded so angry. Tommy decided he didn’t like the tone in his voice. He felt a small pit start to form in his stomach.

It was different than what Tommy was used to hearing from Wilbur, but different isn’t always bad. He didn’t expect the end to be so solemn.

Tommy felt bitter. The once preserved positiveness this could have had quickly became passive aggression. Feigning happiness for the sake of tone.

One question would haunt him for the rest of his listen.

Who hurt you?

_**Since I Saw Vienna** _

This one made him miss something. Like an old memory that was important, but you just can’t remember. It held the same feeling abandoned parks had. Something was missing. It held a longing to leave, but felt lonely. Like he didn’t want to go, but he had to.

Tommy hated how the pit grew and spread slightly with his own mind starting to haze over. He could feel himself falling deeper into a numb mindset. He couldn’t bring himself to turn off the music.

_“I’ll be gone, and then when you must be alone.”_

He didn’t want to be alone. Would Wilbur ever leave him? Decide he didn’t want to be around anymore then just up and leave? Would he tell them if, when, he did it? Was he going to abandon Tommy? No no no. He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t just vanish.

**_Saline Solution_ **

This one just felt off. Like there was something wrong about it he didn’t know about it. The lyrics so void of want are positive moods, then why did the ending sound so triumphant?

The feeling spread to his chest and he decided he couldn’t sit still anymore. He needed to move. Needed to get up. Needed something. He got up and grabbed a jumper. He needed to get out. See something other than his walls.

The song made him feel sick. His breathing got a bit faster, but he was fine. He was convinced of that. There was nothing wrong. He was okay. Nothing was up. Wilbur claimed to be unwell in the song, but what did that mean? He didn’t know what he was getting at. He was starting to worry. Saying how he had gone insane once again brought him back to his SMP characters mind set. But something like that would never really happen. Wilbur would never hurt him that bad. Right?

By the time the song ended he was already out his door. Headed to the train station to just go somewhere. Anywhere. His parents weren’t home. Maybe they would have stopped him if they were, or maybe they would have let him go. Maybe they would have told him how dark out it was and brought him out of his head.

**_Your Sister Was Right_ **

Regret. He felt like he had done something wrong. And maybe he had. Hell he did almost everything wrong. He messed up so many things and people hated him for it. He annoyed everyone. He was brash and rude. How many times had he hurt someone without knowing? People had told him, warned him, that he was too crude to be a good person. To headstrong to think things through.

He was walking much faster than before. Breathing harder. He felt like he was running from something. If he stopped moving he would have to focus on the pain in his chest.

His mind wandered back to Wilbur. He had written the damn song. If Tommy felt like this listening to it how the fuck did he feel when he wrote it?

He was filled with the regret of doing something wrong. He wanted this to stop. Stop. _Stop._ **_Stop._** The numbness bit at him trying to keep hold. If he was numb he wouldn’t feel this pain right?

_**La Jolla** _

At this point he just wanted to stop listening. He had done this so that he could feel better, but here he was alone waiting for a train to come. The whole place was empty. He felt just as empty. Maybe he should call someone? Should he call Wilbur? He did this to him. He made him feel this way. He just wanted to leave.

What if instead of catching a train somewhere random he just left. Vanished. Who would notice? How long would it take them to realize that their biggest problem was gone. He wanted to leave. He didn’t want to be here anymore.

**Call someone.**

No.

**_Jubilee Line_ **

His breathing picked up. He could feel himself fall to his knees. God how pathetic was he? Falling apart in some random train station because he couldn’t handle his emotions. Because everything was suddenly too much.

He felt all the stress of everything suddenly fall down onto him. He never felt this much pain in his chest before. He half convinced he was dying.

_“There's a reason.”_

**Call someone?**

No. Everyone else dealt with it just fine. He could too. He would handle this.

_“The London puts barriers on the tube line.”_

**You need help. You need to breathe.**

Some reasonable and still sane part of his brain knew he needed to calm down. Knew he didn’t know how to calm himself. He had never had a bloody panic attack before.

_“There’s a reason!”_

**Call someone.**

He could barely feel his shaky hands moving. The sound of a train filled his ears and he looked towards the tracks. His hand subconsciously moved to tap discord.

_“The London puts barriers on the rails!”_

Go on the tracks a part of his brain whispered. He would be free. He wouldn’t need to breathe. He would just need to take a few steps. He slowly stood, his phone still in his hand. He looked at Wilbur’s and his chat. His finger hovered over the voice call button before he heard the train again and slowly staggered a bit forward.

_“There’s a reason!”_

The sound was almost soothing. He could stop this feeling in his chest. The pit in his stomach would fill. He wouldn’t be a bother anymore. His hand twitched slightly. He didn’t even notice he pressed the call button.

_“The London puts barriers on the tube line!”_

The sound of a train filled his ears once more. He heard nothing, but that. Not even Wilbur calling his name. Wilbur heard the train as well. He was mostly confused before he looked at Tommy’s status.

_“There’s a reason...:”_

You see discord has this feature where it can show what you're listening to on spotify in place of your status. Seeing the song title and knowing it’s context and hearing a train close in the distance Wilbur felt himself tense slightly. He called out Tommy’s name again. He could hear quiet steps. Surely not. Tommy wasn’t doing what he thought he was. He started to get panicky and practically scream out his name. “Tommy!”

“Ah!” Came in response. Wilbur heard more stumbling sounding steps, but the train also sounded further.

_“They fail…”_

“Wilbur?”


	2. I'm Sorry Boris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's some comfort for the hurt

Wilbur hadn't been doing much. It was a normal day of getting up and streaming and going through the motions. He had been sort of skimming through discord and was in the mood to talk to someone

As he skimmed he saw that Tommy had been listening to his album. Losing face specifically.

He spotted Techno and Phil in a vc and decided to hop in.

"Hello boys!" He said happily. "How are you doing today?" 

They engaged in simple small talk. It was peaceful and calm. He was almost bored at how mellow it was. A certain screaming child seemed to be missing. The chaos was lacking.

"Have either of you spoken to Tommy today?" Wilbur asked.

"No I haven't, why did something happen?" Phil responded.

"No nothing to my knowledge has happened, but he hasn't messaged me today." Wilbur was looking at Tommy's status to see Jubilee Line playing. His chest squeezed a bit as he thought about the song.

"Perhaps he's just tired?" Techno started. "From what I've seen on Twitter he's been really pushing himself with his character to do it right, plus he's still doing classes."

Wilbur hummed a bit. Maybe it was the song, but something in his chest wasn't sitting right. He was just about to call him when he got a call instead. From Tommy.

Wanting to stay on call with Phil and Techno he opted to answer on his phone. 

"Tommy's calling me." He told them as he answered it. He paused expecting the boisterous child to speak up first, but he didn't. 

"Hello?" Maybe the call had been an accident. Then he heard it. Somewhere in the distance he heard a train. What the hell was Tommy doing calling him while waiting for a train? What couldn't wait until he got home. Then he realized how dark it was outside.

"Tommy? Are you okay?" He heard feet shuffling and quick mumbling. He couldn't pick up on much as the train got louder. He felt his heart jump to his throat.

"Tommy where are you?" The mumbling got louder as well.

" _Go. Just go. It'll be fine. Everything will be quiet. You'll be okay. You won't feel like this anymore. Go. Go. Go..._ " 

It sounded like he was trying to convince himself of something, and based on the little context Wilbur had it was nothing good. The train was closer and louder. 

"Tommy!" He shouted out. He could feel his hands shaking.

"Ah!" Came from the other line. He heard stumbling feet and the train got farther.

"Wilbur?" Tommy's voice was quiet and trembling. Wilbur could hear Phil and Techno shouting questions from his headphones. He used one hand to type out for them to hold on.

"Tommy? Tommy are you alright?" He was frantic. He was scared. He needed to be told that he was wrong in his assumptions and that this kid was not about to do what he thought he was. 

"I-...No, I don't think so..." he responded softly.

"Tommy where are you? Where are your parents?" There was a shaky sigh on the other line.

"I don't know, and my parents are on a trip." 

"Do you want me to come get you?" He hadn't even thought about it before he asked.

"Please... I don't want to be alone." 

He glanced up at the call he was in. "Do you mind if Phil and Techno come over as well?" 

He heard a small hum in agreement and typed out for them to come to his house and promptly hung up on them. Thank God Techno had moved to the UK a while ago.

He rushed out to get to his car, phone still at his ear. 

"Hey, Tom's. You think you can figure out where you are for me?" He tried to keep his voice soft. He didn't want to scare him off. 

"I'm sorry Wilba'. " he mumbled. “I must have ruined your night…”

“It’s alright Toms, just tell me where you are. Find a street name, something.”

After looking around a bit Tommy was able to give a location. When Wilbur got there he instantly noticed how tired he looked. He was swaying slightly where he stood. His eyes were not only read from crying, but they had dark bags under them. Wilbur was thankful the boy had grabbed a jacket before he left. 

Tommy looked up at Wilbur and a small smile spread on his face. He walked towards him and his car and got in the passenger side. It was so much warmer there. 

“Are you going to take me home?” Wilbur hadn’t started to drive yet and it made Tommy anxious. 

“You coming back to my place remember?” He hadn’t, but maybe it was because he was exhausted. 

“Oh, okay.” He whispered. 

“Can I ask why you were down there?” Tommy was fidgeting in his seat a bit. He knew he should tell him, but he was still worried.

“Can it wait till we’re inside?” He asked with pleading eyes. Wilbur nodded with a comforting smile. He ruffled Tommy’s hair and then drove back to his place. 

When they pulled up to it two other cars could be seen out there as well. Techno and Phil must already be here. Him and Tommy step out the car and up to his door. Walking inside they are almost immediately greeted by Phil.

“Their back!” He yells and walks towards them. He pulls Tommy into a hug. “Really had us worried there for a second. Me and Techno couldn’t hear the call.” Tommy nods slowly.

He was still trying to pull himself out of his numb mind. He hadn’t even realized he didn’t hug Phil back.

“Let’s go sit, yeah?” Phil offered. The boy nodded and then made their way to the couch and plopped him down. 

The look in his eyes were spaced out and unfocused. Like he wasn’t really taking in anything around him. Phil knew that stare. He had seen it in friends. In Wilbur and Techno on bad days. Now he saw it in Tommy. He could only hope to be able to help.

Techno entered the room with a few cups of warm coffee, and once hot chocolate. Caffeine is the last thing Tommy needed right now. He sat down next to the kid and handed him his drink. He looked up to Wilbur and Phil silently asking one of them to start the conversation. 

So after a few silent moments to drink their beverages Phil spoke up.

“You want to tell us what happened?” He asked gently. Tommy sighed softly and leaned back into the couch pulling his legs up to his chest.

“I-... I’ve been really stressed out lately.” He started. “With school things and streaming. I could handle it before just fine, but everything in the SMP sort of changed things.” 

“How so?” Wilbur asked.

“I just-” He took a breath, trying to collect his thoughts. “When I play I get into this mindset. Sad, lonely, damn near trying to push myself to death's door.

Sometimes when I end the stream I have to take a moment to collect myself. Trying to remember that those aren’t my real thoughts. That I have my friends. That I’m okay.” He paused for a second looking at all of them. He kept his eyes on Wilbur.

“I’d never listened to your album before. I thought it was like the songs you make now. I was saving my first listen for a rainy day. Stress and having to put on the mindset of wanting to die seemed rainy enough to warrant it.” He averted his eyes, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “I thought it would make me feel better.”

Wilbur felt his heart clench. He wrote those songs at a low point in his life. They filled to the brim with his problems and emotions. 

“Turns out it wasn’t what I thought it was.” He continued. “By, what was it? The second song I started to get antsy. My head got worse. So I decided to go for a walk.

One thing leads to another and I end up at the sations. This numb feeling started to spread through me. I knew it was getting bad as that Jubilee song was playing and I was about to call you. Everything felt fuzzy and distant and suddenly I could only hear the train.” 

Techno tensed up slightly. How had it gotten to this point? Tommy, the loud mouthed, everything but low on energy kid, was telling them about how he almost… Techno moved his arm to rub the boy’s back. He knew the feeling Tommy was describing. 

“I didn’t even know I had called you. Holy shit..” Tommy spoke quietly as a realization dawned on him. “I almost stepped onto the tracks.” 

The air in the room changed. Everyone tensed up. Without realizing it Tommy’s eyes started to fill with tears. “I almost killed myself…” His voice was so quiet. So unlike him.

“Hey kid, it’s alright. Breath Tommy.” Phil said. Tommy only started to shake. The weight of what almost happened crashing around him. He reached his arm out and tightly grabbed onto Wilbur’s arms. He had been sitting on the coffee table in front of Tommy.

He looked into the older one's eyes. Wilbur saw so much desperation in them. 

“Wil, Wil, Wilbur. You- You wrote those songs. You felt those things.” He started talking frantically. Gaining a pleading look in his eyes. “You...You’re better now. How-” He was getting more desperate. He was leaning into Wil now. “How’d you get better? How do I fix this? I don’t want to die!” 

Fear flashed in Wilbur's eyes. “Tommy, Tommy! You need to breathe!” The boy was shaking violently, but he took a deep breath. Wilbur did as well. Then he slowly exhaled. They did this for a bit until Tommy had fully calmed down. He slowly sat back down. 

“Tommy I’m going to be real with you.” He spoke slowly. “I didn’t fix it. And sometimes I don’t think I got better, but I look back and realize I am better. This isn’t something with an easy fix, and I am begging you to promise me the next time something like this happens you tell us. You want to get better? I suggest a therapist. If not that, just talk to us. That always helps.”

The tears slowly stopped and he nodded. He wasn’t in the best headspace to retain any of this information.

“I promise.” He sagged forward a bit. The exhaustion clear on his face.

“How about we finish this in the morning? When you’re rested and feeling better?” Techno offered. Tommy nodded slightly. Wilbur got up and slowly dragged Tommy to his room. After he laid down Wilbur was going to leave before his wrist was grabbed. 

“Wait,” He said tiredly. “I didn’t finish the album. There was one song left.” Wilbur smiled slightly already knowing where this was going. He grabbed his guitar and sat in a chair across from the bed.

“Which one was it?”

**_I’m Sorry Boris_ **

It felt like relief. Like he had been walking for miles and could finally sit down. Or he had been underwater and could finally breathe. It was calm and welcoming. Just as sad as the rest of them, but this one was more bittersweet than anything. 

Reminiscing and remembering. It felt like home and it made him happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this! I know Phil and Techno were sorta side lined and didn't say much I'm sorry.
> 
> Kuddos and feedback are appreciated! Have a nice one!

**Author's Note:**

> I'll make a part two of this if I get like, 5 comments asking for it. I didn't use "I'm sorry Boris" so I could make a part two if I wanted to. Kuddos and feedback are appreciated! Thank you for reading!


End file.
